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Bump’s the Word

by Anti-Girlfriend on May 19, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Posted In: Blog

A little more for the self-promotion files. Sorry!

Yesterday over at Slate’s DoubleX section (for the lady-folks), I had a short piece of cultural analysis published about the origin and implications of the term “baby bump,” which I’ve never been fond of and have grown more and more annoyed by with every new celebrity pregnancy.

I won’t say that researching the term and speaking to academics has turned my frown upside down. But when asked, “Well, what would you call it [pregnant stomach] instead?” I had no satisfactory answer. Nothing that I thought of sounded like something a reasonable, adult woman would want applied to her body. I then realized that part of our problem with “baby bump” is not necessarily the term itself–it’s the highly politicized and charged discussions that take place about women’s bodies and their reproductive functions. Given this climate, it’s hard to imagine any word that will find favor with the majority of women-kind.

What are your thoughts on “baby bump”? Are those of us that find it irritating/harmful simply overreacting? Or is there something problematic there? And finally, any ideas as to what to call it if not “baby bump”?

Check it out in it’s entirety here.

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Blackout Nights

by Anti-Girlfriend on May 18, 2012 at 9:00 am
Posted In: Dating, Definitions

Photo by aussiegall via CC

Friends-with-Benefits. It’s the topic of many a rom-com, woman’s magazine or website piece and Dan Savage podcast. Chief among the complaints/questions that pour in (and the driver of many plots of the aforementioned movie genre)–what happens if one of you ends up wanting more than just the present arrangement?

Savage’s answer is consistently that you must end it once that happens. It’s an arrangement that can only work when both parties are on the same page, emotionally. If not, you will have one FWB who is simply happy having regular sex while not in a relationship and another who goes along with this because it’s the best he/she can get but is the whole time miserable and wishfully hoping that it might turn into something more. You know, just like in the movies. (Because there’s no story if they just have sex. It has to mean love, which will then be followed by marriage and children because God does not like casual sex.)

A friend of mine, H. recently told me a term she’s applied to her FWB relationship–blackout nights.

These are evenings that definitely do not spend together and do not speak about one with the other. If one went on a date or had sex with someone else, it is not brought up. It’s sort of like you got drunk and blacked out but it’s not you who wakes up the next morning with no clue as to what happened–it’s your FWB who is the hungover, clueless one.

I think this is sound FWB policy. Also, if you happen to be in one of those lopsided FWB situations, it might also spare you the hurt of having your not-so-significant other tell you about his/her date from the previous night cause that never feels good. I feel bad listening to a friend I’m pining for (with whom I’m not having sex) talk about a girl he’s interested in. How much worse would it be to hear if I was sleeping with the guy.

Additionally, setting aside nights where the two of you don’t hang out is probably wise. The danger with a FWB situation, in addition to one developing unreciprocated feelings for the other, is that you might not put yourself out there as often because you have a sorta relationship that is comfortable and supplying with sex.

 

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An artist and a writer: a love story

by Anti-Girlfriend on May 17, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Posted In: Books

Art by Margarita Korol aka FEMA Fatale

Wow, I’ve been away from this site for awhile but I have a super good excuse–I was putting the finishing touches on my first book (self-published), a collection of gymnastics-themed personal essays called Heresy on the High Beam: Confessions of an Unbalanced Jewess. (Sort of sounds like Mutiny on the Bounty but with much less swashbuckling.)

Anyway, now that this project is done–finally!–I’m ready to resume my blogging over here. And dont you fret, I’ve stockpiled weeks worth of cringe inducing dating stories and observations.

This site and the book share one crucial factor in common (in addition to me): FEMA Fatale as the illustrator. The cover, which appears to the left of this post, was designed by the comics’ artist. Ours has certainly been a fruitful collaboration.

This week I’ve been blogging for the Jewish Book Council about the ebook this week and decided to discuss how I’ve collaborated with FEMA both on the book and this site. In essence what I described is a platonic love story about shared creativity and big earrings. (Check it out here.)

Those of you who have read through all of the comics know the “origin story” but here it is again in very brief:

I had just been called “The Anti-Girlfriend” by a guy, a former flame, to which I responded, “Because just like the antichrist, I’m Jewish and I have curly hair?” Next, I did exactly what anyone in my shoes would’ve done—bought the domain and resolved to create a website by the same name.

I mean, doesn’t everyone react that way when they’re called such a name? Buy a domain name and start a time consuming yet fun blog. Cheaper than therapy, right?

So please buy the book over at Amazon and support my weirdness. (And don’t worry if you don’t have a Kindle–not necessary to buy and read the essays. Simply download the Kindle Cloud Reader app to your computer or your iPhone or iPad or other device, then buy the book and then enjoy!)

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Girls who tell you how they feel are crazy

by Anti-Girlfriend on April 25, 2012 at 10:35 am
Posted In: Blog

A short story: Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl out. Boy and girl have a lovely time on a date. Next day, girl texts to thank boy for drinks and the good time. Boy thinks girl is crazy, clingy, and desperate.

Or so conventional dating wisdom would have you believe.

Since I started dating in my late teens, I’ve grappled with how to handle the aftermath. Namely–what should I do if I had a good time? Should I wait for him to get in touch with me because I’m a woman and therefore must be passive? Or should I thank the guy who probably bought me at least a drink (even though I usually offer to go dutch). Because I wasn’t raised by wolves, I tend to send a quick appreciative text.

Over at XOJane, an anonymous male poster writes about a girl he slept with, whom he calls Crazy D, which could be me since my first name also starts with that letter. According to the poster, D has a problem with alcohol (so it’s probably not me because I have problems with my uppers, namely, caffeine). But her biggest, craziest offenses seem to be liking him “too much” and telling others how she felt and wanting to please him sexually. Oh, and when they slept together she gave him not one but two blow jobs! This is what he had to say about that egregious act:

It felt like an odd move — too much, too soon and slightly desperate. Who blows someone twice on the first date, I thought. It seemed surreal. Still, I did not say no.

I think her mistake was not being redundant but choosing an ass such as the author to bestow her largesse upon, but we’ve all done something along those lines. As one smart Jezebel commenter noted, “If I found a guy who went down twice in one night, I wouldn’t call him ‘crazy.’ I’d call him ‘keeper.’”

 

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Small Breasts: An Update

by Anti-Girlfriend on April 23, 2012 at 8:44 pm
Posted In: Blog

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post extolling the virtues of small breasts in honor of National Cleavage Day. In that piece, I listed some of the things that I love about my small boobs but from a woman’s perspective.

Well over at The Good Men Project, Mark Radcliffe weighs in with a man’s viewpoint on the eternal question, small vs. big breasts. And he likes them dainty-sized.

In “Praise of Small Breasted Women,” he writes:

Some of us grew up as athletes, amongst thin, athletic, small-breasted women and grew to like different physical traits than most guys. Like the tight calves of a runner. Or the strong thighs of a skier. Or the muscular stomach of a volleyball player. Maybe we know that having an athletic woman at your side means being more likely to live an adventurous and daring life. (Not just in the outdoors, but in the bedroom, too…)

Despite this ode to my particular body type, I still wouldn’t go so far as the author does, implying personality traits based on body parts, as though small breasts also indicates of desirable personality traits.

Some of us have learned from experience that small-breasted women often have larger minds. Or better moves on the dance floor. Or more optimistic attitudes when the chips are down. Because you’ve been overlooked by luck before. And it didn’t get the better of you then, either.

In my paean to the flat-chested the advantages I enumerated were purely physical and athletic–smaller breasts make certain activities easier, makes certain types of clothing easier to wear (or in the case of bras, cheaper to purchase). I don’t believe it’s possible to draw a line about curves (or a lack thereof) to intelligence or character or anything that isn’t connected to cup size.

So Mark Radcliffe–thanks for shout out. Next time, however, there’s no need to tear down one group in order to praise another. Breast size isn’t a zero sum game. We can all be winners.

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