About two weeks before I officially launched this site, I started a related Twitter feed (check it out @antigirlfriend), which featured some pretty funny (at least according to me) Anti-Girlfriend related tweets that were relatively mild with just a dash of raunch. The image to the below is perhaps the best and funniest example of the wit. (It was also the first tweet and I’m afraid I’ll never quite top it.)

I posted the link to my alter ego’s feed in my gchat window without any explanation. Over the course of the first week, several friends messaged me to ask if I was the author of the Anti-Girlfriend, which I quickly fessed up to. Even though my name isn’t on the site, I’m not being super top secret about things in the least. Most told me they found it amusing, which I of course appreciated.

Then one message arrived from an acquaintance who I don’t keep in my chat list because I find him endlessly annoying. He doesn’t start with a casual hello. No “how are you?” He just wanted to give me his opinion about my Twitter feed. “your twitter feed is highly entertaining and makes me totally not want to date you,” he wrote.

I initially laughed when I saw this because of how patently untrue this statement was. This guy had in fact tried to get me to go out with him on more than one occasion but it was me who wasn’t interested. I politely refused him with the ol’ “I’m really so busy with work” excuse. Perhaps it’s the coward’s way out but it’s just really so hard to say “no” flat out when someone asks you to brunch.

Anyway, I was fairly confident that if I told him to get into a cab and drive down to my place at that moment, he would’ve obliged me. Though I certainly didn’t want that, I was curious to see what exactly troubled him about the feed since most had reacted quite differently to it. Therefore I decided to engage him a bit.

He said that I had let “loose with the vibrator talk” by way explanation. (There were exactly two tweets about that.) And then he said this:

I’m more telling you (advising as a friend?) that as someone who has had interest in dating you, reading your twitter has quashed that interest. and I doubt I’m alone.

Perhaps I should’ve stopped talking to him at that moment but this statement of his really galled me and I decided to unpack his words for him. (I am a former English major so literary analysis is what I do.)

I told him the following:

1. That because I had rejected him (more than once because he was pretty bad at comprehending even the most obvious of signs) he now felt the need in a petty way to reject me. And tell me that others would reject me for the same reason. Not saying that he is wrong — but his feeling compelled to say as much to me is what makes his actions petty to me, especially since we weren’t friends in the slightest. He just wanted to take the opportunity, months after I had politely turned him down, to tell me that he didn’t want me anymore.

2.  That the feed is pretty tame so if what I write makes him feel uncomfortable, he probably has some issues to work out with sex.

3. And finally, though he had often claimed to me that he is something of a feminist, he in fact just told me to not to do something because men would think ill of it and not want to date me. Again, not saying this isn’t true. I’m sure it will be true for some but I can’t remember the last time I did something to make men approve of me.

Then I wished him a good night before blocking his access to me on gchat. Now he and all of the other men who won’t date me will now have to stalk me the old fashioned way — via this website.

But if he does happen upon this post, I offer this blessing: may he find a woman who never speaks about her vibrator in front of him.

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