When will you find a nice Jewish boy? Your biological clock is ticking. (Photo by Cody Bromley via CC)

Like every other single humanoid, I’ve got an OkCupid online dating profile. And on it I’ve listed my religion as “Judaism.” There’s really no point in trying to hide this fact because it’s as plain as the curls on my head and the nose on my face. ¬†(Sarah Silverman once made this joke about Amy Winehouse a few years ago: “Amy Winehouse is Jewish, right? Cause if she’s not someone should tell her face.” The same joke could be made about me.)

Well now OkCupid seems to have taken an interest in my religious affiliation. Starting on the first day of Hanukkah, I’ve ¬†received emails with subject line, “8 days of matches.”

This is the text that accompanies the photo of a Semitically eligible bachelor says the following:

In Hebrew, the word “hanukkah” means “dedication.” OkCupid takes this very seriously. We are completely 100% dedicated to sending you lots of emails. Here are your Hanukkah matches!

I’m not going to lie–I’m impressed that someone over at OkCupid knows that the actual meaning of “hanukkah” is “dedication,” and not something to do with candles and light. The miracle of the oil took place after the Maccabees defeated the Assyrian Greeks and tried to re-consecrate the temple, which had been defiled with impure animals.

Now, the same “dedication” the Maccabees had to beating the Greeks so they could corruptly rule over everyone else is being applied to my dating life. The folks at OkCupid are not “dedicated” to suggesting good matches for me; they’re only interested in the religious affiliation of these men, much like my mom. Bless her heart, she suggests a man to me at least once a month based purely off of two traits–his singleness and his Jewishness.

This, it seems, is enough for my mom. And during Hanukkah it seems to be enough for OkCupid, too.

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