Most of the messages I receive from men on online dating sites are fairly innocuous and boring. Many don’t even bother writing a sentence with more than one clause. I frequently get some variation of “You’re cute.” I never respond to those messages. I like it when a guy shows he’s bothered to read my profile and not just looked at my pictures. (Also, as writer, I tend to be extra harsh when it comes to profiles.)

And then sometimes you get the message that makes you think he read someone else’s profile. The message I’ve pasted below is the kind that makes people uneasy about online dating the in the first place. (I’ve changed his name in the signature to protect the kinky.)

I know you’re sarcastic, but I bet you are secretly submissive. I bet you want to be bent over, spanked and put in your place. I bet you want to say, “Yes Sir” and secretly have a boyfriend who is kinky and into that too. Am I right? Or am I way off base?
Just wondering…
By the way, I hope I didn’t offend you. Although I am dominant in private, I do lead a normal life and I am respectful.
If you ever want to talk, let me know. What part of Brooklyn are you from?
Mike…..or Sir 🙂

When I received this, I laughed nervously. I quickly read over my profile and found it to be pretty normal. (I actually worked quite hard on de-quirking my online profile in order to avoid getting strange messages. Earlier incarnations, which I initially thought were humorous and adorable, elicited too many interesting reactions that I decided to make mine somewhat more boring.) I couldn’t understand why someone would open with that. Wouldn’t it have been wiser to test the waters a bit, throw in a bit of innuendo and see if I bite? And speaking of biting–wouldn’t he like that?

So while he did write more than one sentence, I haven’t responded to it. Mostly because he didn’t say I was cute.

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