This weekend I went to the beach with friends to escape blistering heat and humidity. The ocean, however, was quite churned up due to a storm the night before and full of seaweed.

In the midst of discussions of how women on the Upper East Side pay good money at spas to be wrapped in seaweed and here we were, floating in the Atlantic’s version of miso soup for free, I bemoan the fact that in addition to the fact that I will be peeing sand for days after this beach excursion, I will also have to pick seaweed out from bikini bottoms and presumably, crotch.

To which my friend responded that it was just like Eve’s, post-Tree of Knowledge incident, or mistletoe down there.

Miseltoe, this Jewess wondered, aren’t you supposed to put that where you want to be kissed?

Why yes–yes you are! Typically that refers to a location in the home but why not a body part too? Some mistletoe on the nape of your neck if you so desire, the small of your back, or you can wear it Eve-style.

I announced this to my friend, that ideally mistletoe should be placed where you’d like to be kissed, either in the  geographically or scatologically speaking.

And if it’s the summer and mistletoe is not readily available then seaweed could be a suitable substitute. You can have Christmas year round.

Facebook Reddit Twitter Digg Tumblr Stumbleupon Email