He should only kiss your face. That's it. (Photo via CC)

I’m currently dogsitting for a lab with an extra sensitive stomach, which requires medication. In order to get her to take her pills, I stuck them in peanut butter and fed them to on a spoon. I was telling a friend how hilarious it was to watch the dog I’m sitting for lick peanut butter–seriously, who needs cable when you can watch a lab eat PB–and this reminded her of a particularly disturbing incident.

As a high schooler, she was babysitting for a young girl and her charge presented her with an issue that not even Kristy from The Babysitters Club would know how to handle. (She was the bossy, all-knowing one, right?) The girl asked my friend if she wanted to see something cool and like any good teenager forced to look after children for money, she did her best to seem interested in anything this kid had to do or say. The girl lifted up her dress and the dog proceeded to lick her. My friend was stunned and unable to react. And then the girl exclaimed, “It works even better with peanut butter!”

I asked my friend if she told the girls’ parents what had happened. “No,” she said. “I didn’t know what to say.”

Not that this girls parents would’ve known what to say to their young daughter unless they happened to read the parenting classic, When to Talk to Your Daughter About the Birds, the Bees, and Receiving Oral Sex from Canines.

Wherever she is now, I hope this girl learned the all-important lesson–sweet and sticky foods are for dessert, not for sex. (And that you should leave your pup out of all sex acts–coital or post-coital.)


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