I know that I spend a lot of time making fun of online dating on this site even though I partake in it often. But as awful as it sometimes can be, its predecessor was way worse.

Video dating.

Way back in the¬†halcyon¬†pre-Internet days, if you couldn’t meet someone through friends, at a bar or a party, you might’ve chosen to resort to video dating. In video dating, you’d record yourself describing your personality, interests, and what you’re looking for in a woman. Though none of the men has discussed “living life to the fullest/living hard, playing harder” and bullshit like that, there’s plenty in this montage to cringe at.

Before I even get to their words, let’s just discuss their appearances. Never before have I seen so many awful Christmas sweaters in one place. Well, actually that’s not true. I do live in Brooklyn. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen all of those sweaters on many guys around Clinton Hill. Maybe the sweaters that I’ve seen in my neighborhood are the exact ones that are on display in a video, bought and sold at many different vintage and thrift stores until they made it to New York. It’s the circle of (sweater) life.

Now for the video so you can judge. (And judge you will. It would take a saint-like figure not to.)

Now clearly there are too many amazing things to quote and you don’t need to transcribe it for you so here are just a few of my favorites from the giggle fest.

“I like to talk to people deep into the night.” Is that what they used to call it?

“What I’m not looking for is some big overgrown monster who is always thinking about food.” So sir, you wouldn’t date Cookie Monster? Have you not seen this video, “Share It Maybe”? (Of course you haven’t. You’re from the past.)

“I’m interested in most phases of data processing.”

“Fire breathing dragon.”

“I’m really looking for someone I can feel special about.” Says the guy dressed as a Viking.

 

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