Twas the night before the election on OkCupid…
Twas the night before the election, when on a dating website,
I asked a guy if he was nervous the vote wouldn’t turn out right.
“Yes,” he said, “I’m in quite a panic,”
And I smiled, thinking that we both shared this antic.
I too was freaking out, worried that Romney might win,
Even though I’d been reassured by the liberal Klonopin.
Nate Silver, with his charts and polls, has repeatedly stated,
That though it’ll be close, the Democrats should be sated.
And remain in control of at least the White House,
Giving us liberals one less reason to grouse.
But after a long pause my suitor did relate,
“I don’t think we’re voting for the same candidate.”
Stunned, I combed through his OkCupid answers til I found
The evidence of his political views that confounded.
He was a centrist, fiscally conservative and a libertarian,
Which were all bigger turn offs than if he were vegetarian.
But how could this be, I wondered,
For at 92 percent our match rate numbered.
However these other similarities will not outweigh,
A vote cast against my friends who are gay.
It doesn’t matter that he’s handsome and buff,
Cause so is Paul Ryan, who probably doesn’t dive for muff.
OkCupid, when I say my politics really matter to me,
Don’t send me men with whom I violently disagree.
If he happens to idolize Ayn Rand,
I don’t care if he also plays in a band.
I don’t care if he watches Arrested Development and 30 Rock,
If his views on the poor and women are a huge crock.
So even though we might’ve had a nice dinner,
I’d rather a date on January 20th with Obama as the winner.