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The Etiquette of Re-Gifting Your Virginity

by Anti-Girlfriend on February 21, 2013 at 8:30 am
Posted In: Blog

Rory gifted her virtue to this guy.

Last week I caught the dreaded killer flu and spent the entire time in bed, watching an obscene amount of television. (Well, it’s only obscene if you’re not terribly ill. If you’re sick, it’s entirely justified.)

One of the shows I’ve been watching continuously is Gilmore Girls. It had been a favorite when I was in high school/college, but I hadn’t watched it since the series ended its run in 2007.

In a sixth season episode, the 21-year-old Rory Gilmore is forced to have The Talk with the family priest about her virginity (which she no longer possessed). He went about the usual pablum–virtue, gifts, womanhood–but added then added a twist:

You know being a young woman comes with many gifts. Your virtue for example is a precious gift, possibly the most precious gift you posess. You want to give this gift very carefully. It’s a gift you can only give to one man. Once you give it, it’s gone. You can’t regift it. If you give it away too soon to the wrong man, then when the right one does come along, you have no gift to give. You’ll have to buy him a sweater.

I never considered my hymen and blood to be a special present to the guy I ended up giving them to–and judging by the way some men react to the idea of period sex, I don’t think they considered this bloody form a virtue a present either.

But I am tickled (and grossed out) by the idea of re-gifting one’s virginity. Re-gifting of items such as candlesticks or a scarf is considered rude but inevitable and something you can get away with if you are careful not to re-gift within the same friend circle that you received the present. 

And since many of us tend to sleep and date in our circle of friends, the “re-gifting” of virtue will happen anyway.

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└ Tags: Gilmore Girls, sex, virginity
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Love Lessons From Mass Transit: LA Car Edition

by Anti-Girlfriend on February 19, 2013 at 9:00 am
Posted In: Blog, Love Lessons From Mass Transit

Lanes of love.

I just got back to New York after spending nearly three months of it Los Angeles, a city not regarded for its well-functioning mass transit system. It is a sprawling beast comprised of several cities and municipalities. During my time there, I rarely attempted to traverse it on the buses or its subways. The latter doesn’t cross the east-west divide; the former gets stuck in the infamous LA traffic.  Yet I suppose that one can still learn important life, love, and sex lessons while sitting in traffic, listening to Top 40 radio.

↓ Read the rest of this entry…

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└ Tags: Los Angeles, mass transit, The Californians
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A Single Woman Is Prone To Devil Worship

by Anti-Girlfriend on February 4, 2013 at 10:53 am
Posted In: Blog, The Anti-Girlfriend Cookbook

This is a card I found a year ago in a Brooklyn paper and card shop. Though I tend to mostly bake cookies, I’d be interested to see the recipe she’s working from. Where did she find it? The Malleus Maleficarum? I studied that text–the “legal” text used by the church to prosecute witches–in college and it includes some of the best dick jokes I’ve come across this side of a Judd Apatow movie. When is it going to be adapted into a movie? Film development execs–call me!

Blue Barnhouse

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└ Tags: Malleus Maleficarum, single ladies
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Wine For Your Threesome

by Anti-Girlfriend on February 3, 2013 at 2:15 am
Posted In: Blog, Products, Sex

And wine makes three.

People with more taste and class than I possess like to match wine to occasion and meal. But I’ve never been particularly knowledgeable about wines (or alcohol in general) and often have to resort to Google in order to know which bottle of wine to choose in the liquor store to bring to a meal or party.

But how about matching alcohol to sex act? I’ve already suggested the perfect wine to have a one night stand with. Now here’s a vino suggestion for a threesome–Menage a Trois.

The innuendo-ish ad copy reads:

Ménage à Trois examines what happens when you put three attractive, single, young grapes in one exquisite bottle. It’s fun; it’s exciting; it’s legal in most states.

It seems that anything that includes three ingredients or three of something can be suggestive of a menage a trois. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches–PB, J, and bread. Threesome sandwich!

Of course you can have a threesome without special food and drinks. All you need is three warm bodies–as this friend of The Anti-Girlfriend wrote. But some alcoholic lubrication never hurts.

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└ Tags: Leitz Out, menage, one night stand, riesling, threesome
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Making Forever Decisions In Your 20s

by Anti-Girlfriend on February 1, 2013 at 2:33 pm
Posted In: Blog

Only postage stamps are forever.

Yesterday I went to a taping of Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell and not only was the host hilarious and charming, the warm up comedian act was equally so.

This twentysomething female Jewish comic briefly discussed her love life. At present, she’s single and happily so. While she is not sure whether or not she’d like to be single forever, she sometimes tells her married friends that she never plans to marry to annoy them. Because inevitably one of these friends gets very upset at her assertion.  ”You can’t know that you want something forever when you’re in your 20s,” this married friend will explain huffily.

Oh reary, the comic seemed to say with her arched eyebrow and expression. Imagine making some sort of eternal promise in your twenties to, say, stay with another person forever. That can’t be a good idea.

Obviously, with the average age of matrimony still in the 20s (though climbing), plenty of folks in this age category are making “forever” decisions, or at least ones that are intended to be eternal. But at least 50 percent of these “forever” decisions turn out to be temporary, like many other decisions we end up making, such as a short Winona Ryder inspired haircut I got in the 11th grade. In fact, that haircut, which took practically a year to grow out properly, lasted longer than many marriages.

The notion of “forever choices” can also be applied to having children. Again, women (rarely men) are cautioned against deciding not to have kids with the same sort of logic. You don’t want to make a decision that you can’t reverse. Um, last time I checked, having kids was also kind of irreversible–a forever decision, if you will.

Speaking of eternity, what if the afterlife had the same “eternal” success rate as marriage? What if you spent your entire life doing good works only to ascend to heaven and learn that “forever” actually means on average, say, seven years? It would be a big letdown, that’s what.

So let us stop chastising each other for the types of forever decisions we may or may not make. Get married or don’t. Have kids or dogs. Because if it’s the wrong choice for you, it’ll really feel like forever.

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└ Tags: divorce, kids, marriage, Totally Biased, W. Kamau Bell
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